NLP for Conflict Resolution
What has NLP and coaching got to do with resolving conflicts
I wonder if you have noticed some of the common characteristics of conflict, whether it be a momentary disagreement or something that has lasted for sometime.
The "Conflict State"
If you recall a time when you have been in conflict with somebody and if you remember the peak moments of that conflict, when emotions were running high, you were probably in a somewhat different state to normal – maybe tense, anxious, angry or some other emotional state. I don’t know whether it would have been obvious to you at the time or whether you were more aware of it afterwards.
At some point, during or after the dispute, you will have realised how your emotional state was undermining your ability to resolve the issues with the other person and how much it impaired your reasoning. And it may have been obvious to the other person that you were in that state. Or maybe not, maybe they were so absorbed in their own particular state they were unaware of yours.
The "Conflict Trance"
These kind of states have a lot of the characteristics of a trance. They involve fixed attention on one thing, closing down awareness of everything else and an ability to shut out a whole load of “unhelpful information” by a kind of selective reasoning. And, like a trance, you can go deeper and deeper ignoring more and more of what is going on around you. But, unlike meditative and therapeutic trances, these altered states limit your choices, your imagination and your ability to communicate. In fact, in these kind of states, you might have age regressed, generating behaviour reminiscent of childhood, like a tantrum or a sulk.
So most of the time you would prefer to be in a calm state, seeing things clearly, reasoning easily with the people around you. Then you feel relaxed and confident, smiling and enjoying the responses of other people as you get pleasure from a natural and easy connection.
The "Resolution State"
This is where NLP and coaching can really make a difference for you. Because you can learn to have greater control over your emotional states when dealing with other people. There are a variety of ways you can learn to do this including a method called anchoring, a kind of “on/off switch” for resourceful states, such as calmness, confidence, focus.
You can also learn how to use anchoring and more useful techniques to help other people remain in a good state too. And you can already imagine how many conversations will go much more smoothly when you master these skills.
Using NLP skills to maintain rapport and prevent conflict
You can also prevent conflict by learning how to elicit and maintain rapport with other people, even strangers and even people you don’t particularly like. This is very useful in the workplace where you might meet people you don’t like from time to time. You still have to do business with them so it really helps to create rapport, and you might even end up liking them too.
Using NLP we can spot patterns of unconscious, non-literal and non-verbal communications and we get how the differences at these levels of communication are often the cause of misunderstanding. These are the occasions where you might have felt like you were speaking a different language to them, even though you were both speaking English. Or those times when you seemed at cross-purposes.
By learning about communication at these levels, by understanding these patterns you can match them. This enables you to state your point of view in a way that is comfortable and familiar to the other person, so they understand you easily. You will be in rapport and speaking the same language. Even when you are disagreeing you will seem reasonable to one another and feel in accord, especially because you will be maintaining a resourceful emotional state too.
How I can help now
Before making any commitment to coaching or training you are welcome to contact me, discuss your needs and discover more about how you might benefit from practical effective NLP and coaching.
You have the reassurance of knowing I am a certified NLP Trainer, trained by Richard Bandler (co-creator of NLP) and licenced by the Society of NLP
How NLP can help prevent and resolve conflicts
You can use NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and coaching to develop the following skills, whether you want to prevent and resolve conflicts in your own life or help other people with conflict resolution:
Recognise and defuse the "conflict trance"
Maintain control over your emotional states
Develop your own "resolution state"
Help others stay in a calm state
Build and maintain rapport
Recognise and utilise other people's communication patterns
Develop more communication strategies
Learn new mediation skills
What next
If you are interested in what you have read here, would like to explore how coaching and NLP might help you, or if you feel you would like more information you might like to do the following:
1) E-mail me - info@springtomind.co.uk, ask me some questions, explain your requirements or request a free initial consultation.
2) Telephone me on +44 (0) 7771 823651 to get some immediate answers, have a more detailed chat about my work, get an overview to see if you like the sound of what I do or just get a feel for NLP.
3) Arrange a free initial consultation by e-mail or phone. Meet me face to face for some concrete ideas about the way forward, ask me for some suggestions or to see how NLP and coaching might fit with the big picture for you.
4) You can also contact me on Skype, Twitter, Facebook or LinkedIn. Just look for the icons on this website.